Paranoia in Pandemic – How to stay balanced in a pandemic.

In early March, when more countries had started recording cases of the pandemic, I was already starting to get scared, thinking that I would have to keep going to work and sharing tiny elevator spaces with tons of people. I am sure my soft respectful grumbling about safety must have reached the ears of the Lord because my bosses decided we could try working from home.

Once we were told to work from home, that was it. I was clear with friends who wanted to stop by, letting them know I was not receiving anyone during this pandemic period until further notice.

I was going to sequester myself until the end of the world (pandemic) was over.

A good number of friends let me know in no uncertain terms how unrealistic that was, but I was determined to protect my self from all the germ carrying people in the world. This thinking pattern was also bolstered by crazy people doing crazy things like licking poles in buses and sneezing on food in grocery stores. Plus where I live is not known for its smart people 😐

I rent a studio apartment which I thought was enough space when I first got the place, but the four conners have now become a carefully constructed prison to me, a prison of my own making. None are allowed in and none out.

I managed to stay relatively sane for the first four weeks of my self imposed isolation, I picked up different habits – figuring how many times I could roll on my bed, singing, pig stying… etc. I was managing. With every day indoors my paranoia grew exponentially but I was determined to hold out as long as my food remained. Until… a loud screeching sound wakes me up at 2am.

Fire alarm, fire alarm

Now I am very compliant but I briefly wondered if to just ignore the alarm. That thought was so brief because I smelled smoke.. say what!!!

I wish I had a way to describe how quickly I took off from my apartment, I rushed out barely stopping to grab a jacket to wear over my PJs and get my house keys before I joined the hundreds other people in the staircase trying to get downstairs. I was shoulder to shoulder with people from wherever and the only thought in my head at that time was “move quickly”, I am not about to die in a house fire not after surviving a whole month of not venturing out because of a pandemic.

We all gathered at the muster point and waited around until the fire was put out (it was not a false alarm) and we were cleared to go back in.

I hung around until the crowd has dissipated and I just thought to myself, when the threat was imminent, I forgot about all my other pandemic related fears and got moving. And since then, my paranoia has lessened a bit although my medicine cabinet is filled with almost every nonsense touted as an immune booster. But this post is about balance 🙂

This season will surely pass, hopefully soon but until then, I need to find a balance between my fears and living life and that balance can just being out with more protection, after all if Naomi Campbell can go out in a bubble, I am sure I can figure out a way to stay relatively safe while I live life.

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